Fitness SpREE

Our Fitness which art on treadmill,/ Hallowed be thy gym./ Thy aerobic come, thy work-out done,/ In Nike as it is in Reebok.

I remember a couple of years back when I was a self-professed atheist, i was nervous. For i was about to enter the temple of a new religion. The new religion – which according to some is the fastest-growing

faith system called Fitness.I’d heard of the religion of Fitness that was sweeping the nation, and of the temples dedicated to it called gyms that were popping up faster than pizza joints. But i remained not only an atheist but a gym-atheist, or a gym-nastik. Then one day the inevitable happened. A gym got set up in the housing society where i live. I hadn’t gone to the mountain of Fitness; the mountain had come to me.

There was no help for it. Along with all the other worshippers at the altar of Fitness, i queued up at the

door of the gym. But, as in the case of all places of worship, first i had to acquire the appropriate

investments, the ritual costume required for entry. In the case of the gym, this costume is called a kit,

the first and foremost component of which is something called cross-trainers. It turned out that cross-

trainers are not, as i would’ve thought, bad-tempered people who travel by trains. Cross-trainers are a

special type of footwear which you have to put on to get onto the treadmill, the holy of holies of the gym.

I went to buy cross-trainers. The shop was full of all kinds of cross-trainers, of bulbous shape and lurid

colours, like bullfrogs with strange skin diseases. They were all called REE-something, like REE-flex and

REE-play. I looked at the price tags and REE-coiled. Don’t you have anything called REE-jects which are a

bit cheaper?, i asked the sales assistant. He looked at me as though i were something REE-volting, if not REE-pulsive. In the end, i forked out what seemed to me a REE-markable sum of money which had me REE-ling for what in effect were nothing but what used to be called keds, except these were keds in fancy dress, and with a lot of zeroes added to their prices.

So in retrospect i got a fit because i wanted to be fit.

=)

PS/Words of wisdom:

The reason i skip the gym at times is not because am lazy (or i ran out of good excuses) ,it is because i

want to preserve my sports wear. Common, who does not want to be pinched ("New pinch") for old clothes .It has its merits. Try it.

Egg-stra fun

Full disclosure: I have made many a friend a victim of my cooking. Some have been smart and figured a way to politely say no and run as fast as they can in the opposite direction and others have yet to master the art.
If you are privy to my daily schedule you would definitely advise me to "Do some good”. Anything to cleanse my karma or else am definitely going to be reborn as a slimy sloth stationed on a bunch of malnourished trees with cannibals doing the dance without pants underneath. Not a pretty sight!
Now that spring is here it’s the perfect time to be outdoors so when there was a notification on my friend stream asking if anybody wanted to pitch in for the food drive( the benefits of which would go to a charity of our choice) i signed up.We were divided into teams and had to sell food through a food truck at the Maricopa Fair.I was teamed up with petit Clara and Hugo a 56 yr old ex-cop."Hugo " was aptly named as he was a broad shouldered 6ft 3 inches tall guy who probably wouldn’t need a hammer to drive nails in wood .In my head every time i turned around i would address him as huge-O!!. I chose to cook rather than attracting and pulling customers to our booth. Clara manned the orders and Hugo was helping me with the cooking. Our food truck was infact Huge-O's customized monster trucks so it was really high and looked like it’s all set to compete in the Monster-jam at the fair.The flow of customers was a little slow in the beginning but by noon we were in full swing. Watching me work, Hugo soon realized that am a little lost (i like to see it as getting in touch with my disoriented side )He believes that i have the attention span of a Gnat (maybe ..i do..i have sticky notes floating on my car dashboard and room walls) so he kept the oil case, flour, sugar bags, case of 2 dozen eggs etc on the roof of the truck so that’s its easier for me to work. We had developed an assembly line to turn things around. It was working really smooth till Huge-O had to go in the front to help Clara manage the flow of orders and i was left at the back alone. I ran out of eggs and reached to on the roof to grab some and "i don’t believe its butter" filled hands slipped , I tried balancing myself by holding the side mirror of the truck but one thing led to the other and before i knew it, there was a loud crash and i had the whole crate of eggs on top of my head.
 Eww
eWw
ewW
My head was filled with gooey --yellow --stinky--broken eggs.
I was stunned.I just stood there in shock . Huge-O and Clara rushed back. They burst out laughing. I couldn’t stop sheepishly grinning as well. Clara shot a video which she promised was going to be uploaded on Americas funniest videos. I continued making the food (i still reeked) as we had bunch of folks whom we had already taken orders from.I waited another hour and finally got down to cleaning myself. I don’t know what caused the humpty dumpty eggciting event. I wonder if it was the prayers of those who were yet to be fed or the cursing of those who had finished eating either ways i definitely had my share of egg-star fun.
now i better be reborn as a princess .
At least Santa i hope you are taking notes.
=)