Friday, January 6, 2012

horo-(in-)scope

Like every new year" never before " offers for zodiacal predictions are flooding my inbox.At this time of the year, astrology books sell hotter than hot cakes and threaten to unseat the latest Chetan Bhagat from the top of the best-seller chart. Some might find this surprising considering that we are in the digitalised 21st century of spaceships and supercomputers. So where in this supposedly hi-tech mindspace does hocus-pocus like astrology fit in? Nonetheless, the ongoing debate about whether or not the distant stars and planets can rule our destinies seems to gain in volume and intensity with each passing season. Is astrology mere mumbo-jumbo, or is it? as its adherents claim? more jumbo than mumbo in terms of its cosmic credentials?Except for one thing, i've long been a sceptic with regards to star-gazing. The reason for my skepticism goes back to the time when i was part of the "Horizon " e-magazine . The magazine had decided to publish a astrological column for the annual issue.None of the editors took astrology seriously. The way we looked at it, it was harmless fun, rather like speculating about life on Mars or if UFOs did or did not exist. As long as you didn't begin to see little green men peering up at you from your morning bowl of cornflakes, or resign yourself to the fact that you'd never get that office promotion so long as Saturn remained in your ninth house, everything was fine.We decided that horoscopes should be  generally cheerful and upbeat, the zodiacal equivalent of a vitamin tonic. If your prediction of the week was good, it gave you the confidence to succeed in whatever you were doing. If the prediction was not so good, working hard could help to overcome negative influences, so buck up and put in extra effort. Either way, you won.The only catch was 
we did not have a REAL astrologer.
So what would we do without the annual forecast that our readers eagerly awaited? (We had publicized it in our last issue and there was a lot of buzz)
Simple: Make it up. 
We divided the zodiac signs between us. I was given Pisces, Leo and Sagittarius. And we made up the predictions for what lay in the year ahead, remembering to keep the general tone positive and throwing in a lot of trines (as in: Your Jupiter will be in trine with Mars) for the sake of authenticity. No one knew what a trine was. But it sounded like a powerful ju-ju, an astrological version of ajinomoto. So we liberally sprinkled our cooked-up predictions with generous dollops of trines.After that do-it-yourself foray into horoscopy.
We recived a lot of positive response and the readers wanted us to make it a regular feature.
The team exchanged amusing glances at the thought.We had to come up with a way to get out of it graciously.So the subsequent monthly issue's editors note read something like this :
Dear Readers,
blah blah.....blah...some more blah
We loved your feedback but our astrologer based on the accuracy of his predictions has been offered a "exclusive" job with a country's elite and has entered a "exclusive"contract
whereby we would have to pay royalty every time we used his name or his whereabouts .So unfortunately we cannot continue with this feature ..

blah blah
Team Horizon.

PS:I know team this was supposed to be out little secret but trust me the readers of this blog are completely trustworthy and they promised me to take this secret with them to the grave .
 Miss you Horizon!!
:)

13 comments:

  1. don't worry your secret is safe with me

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  2. i agree all this horoscope is infact just horror scope..complete nonsense ..mast likha hai

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  3. pretty humourous... by the way trines have a very interesting meaning -
    Planets in trine support each other. Trines, by nature, are accepting. They allow us to accept others, ourselves, and situations. The talents that trines offer a native are so natural that they are almost unconscious. Often enough, natives don't truly appreciate the talents these trines offer them, and they may not try to develop them. However, these talents are second nature and completely natural. So, for example, if a man has Venus trine Neptune, he may be poetic, romantic, or artistic, and he may easily accept his romantic partner for who he/she is.
    I believe in everything - the visible and the invisible - as everyhing is there for a reason. I am sure astrology or the stars above may have some impact on our lives..for scientific explanation they keep our earth where it keeps rotating, end of day its a matter of belief.
    At the same time not to forget that if they can impact us (positively or not) we as individuals have the potential to create similar impact as well (newtons law - every action has an equal and oppsite reaction) ;)... this is what some people say as 'creating your own destiny' but you never know if it is already written.. some food for thought :)

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  4. @chakshu:yo dear i trust you :)
    @syan: :)
    @lavnya :)

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  5. @anant:aha trines finally demystified thank u!!

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  6. Very "funni-ly" written.. was quite interesting. Especially the about the feedback. By the way, who came up with that line in the monthly issue? And was was the name of the imaginary astrologer?

    So you were part of Horizon Team !!! Yeah I know what it is :-)
    I have also been skeptic, but still can we request a copy of that astrologer column for fun on this blog please ;-)

    Thanks @ Anant for that eye-opener about trines. Even though my eyes got opened, my mind subsequently became numb.

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  7. @SF - you're welome, sorry for the overload...but couldnt predict the numbness :( .. may have been caused by some astrological squares (you can google it) :D

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  8. @SF1:Fiction my fella fiction how do i back fill :P (don't tell me more fiction)

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  9. Gosh!!! you gotta be kidding me, people like you make fun the sacred science of the past.

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  10. @anon:No buddy the joke is frauds who exploit this sacred science to their advantage.Sad but true.

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  11. haha..very humurous and gripping..I loved the pun with ajinomoto :P

    waise jab secret out kar hi diya hai to "exclusive" bhi out kar do :P.. I will take that also to my grave!!

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  12. @rakesh:itni si jaan and itne saare secrets kaise sambhaloge malik :D
    delegate..and you shall prosper :P

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